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Out with the Old in with the new


After my trying year "I decided out with the old and in with the new" That 2014 was going to be my year that i want to change everything but for the best, that i will do only things that make me happy and the kids, and that i will not let anyone bring me down or into my life who isn't worth keeping. So here is what i got after being chewed up and spit out.... Never let anyone bring you down no matter who they are important or not you are you and no one can or should or try to change you. Do what makes YOU happy whether it be something small or big doesn't matter the measure of it just that you do something once in awhile for your self. If you find someone special to you don't let them go at all costs! Be YOUR OWN self reliant and paying your own bills staying in your own place it makes a big difference. When you are happy so is everyone else around you they feel what you feel so if you are sad or angry or distant they will be too so stop feeling sorry and get up off your ass and do something about it ( something I'm currently working on...) And last but not least find a career it doesn't have to make you happy or have to like it, everything is temporary as long as you remember that and you can always move up in life. Once you sick yourself i can't go anywhere from here mode you will forever stay that way because you aren't trying to better yourself. So as said in the beginning of this post "out with the old and in with the new" That is going to be my motto from now on and if you see me not doing or thinking like that feel free to verbally slap me into place. :) I only move forward from here and progress right along with everything that comes my way bring it life I'm ready trust and believe that!

A Taste Of Disaster

I have not posted anything on here in over a year i thought it had been lost or deleted but then when i came to realize it still existed i re enabled it and here i go again with a catch up on my disastrous year. I am now a single mom and no longer with the father of my children we split up a year ago and i have been trying to move forward since. It has been the hardest most trying year i have ever had in my entire life. When we first split up we thought "hey" we can try and make this work... tried a bunch of different avenues none of which seemed to work for us and just seemed doomed from the beginning. So after a bunch of back and forth fighting and trying to work things out we split our ways for good. I got the kids every other week and we make it work from this angle. After my last post on the fourth of July i would of never thought my life would come to this after having our second child my son Chayce. Yes we had our differences and fights like any other couple but then i got postpartum with our son and things went from there... i like to think everything happens for a reason and we are meant to take the paths we are given but the hardest thing is knowing what to do with it and learning how to be alone. One thing i realized after trying horrible online dating then and trying to keep a relationship after the split up is its best to just be you and leave things well alone and they will come your way if you are meant to meet your other half they will come when you are not looking and aren't even trying. So with all that i tried the online thing i dated a guy i thought I'd move in with for 6 months, lived with my parents for 9 which was very trying as well as an adult with two kids, moved into my own little studio for now going on 2 months, got my divorce finalized and looking to go back into school to do phlebotomy. I'd have to say all in all for the way that i started out last year i am making it by pretty ok and standing on my two feet. Sure at times its hard and it gets lonely and i want to cry but then i think about my kids and how they need me, that this point in my life will only be temporary and i will one day get everything i want and more because i deserve it my kids deserve it.

A much needed vacation

It has been a long time since i have posted anything on here ever since i got my promotion at work as a team leader i found myself much more tired and didn't really do much of anything. But now that i am almost 6 months pregnant and now on leave i find myself with more time on my hands and not so wiped out from the day. So far with my first week of leave i have managed not to do much of anything other then veg around the house and do some light cleaning with the rain it made it hard to go anywhere with the little one and i honestly didn't feel like doing much of anything. When you work at jack-in-the-box it will do that too you; you become a veg not wanting to do much of anything being JIB is based off of how fast you get peoples orders out so everyone is always highly stressed. Needless to say having the time off has been nice. But it's been a week and its time to get off my ass and start preparing for the new baby by getting stuff done around the house and packing my overnight bag. Although even with all that one accomplishment i have made so far is getting Nikita my daughter to start behaving better letting her see screaming does not get her way and boy can that girl scream... ha ha. Now that I'm home with her more and she doesn't have a hectic baby life of going to her babysitters everyday being dragged all over the place then coming home to only see me for a couple of hours then off to bed and start all over again the next day she has seemed to calm down a bit making outings as a family more pleasant. Now i just have to top it off with teaching her shapes and colors and to talk more and i can call my vacation a success. That and actually putting a dent in my reading list before i have another little one and my hands are tied at all times.


As most mommas know motherhood never comes easy being a mom is the hardest but most rewarding job there is especially when you add housework and a job to that mix. Sometimes you can feel at times will i make it through the day? I write this because i want to but out there what most wont say and hopefully reach out to those other mommas who all feel the same. It's also a helpful reminder that i can look back on. One thing i have learned as a new parent is be patient i know patience isn't always engrained in all of us at birth, i speak from experience cause i my self don't have a whole lot but since having my daughter i have definitely learned to be more patient but at times i still slip i find my self getting frustrated with lack of sleep and shouting when i just need to take a deep breath and take a minute, i forget that it's not only me who is frustrated but also the little thing next to me is also. So here are some helpful guidelines if you haven't already got them all down.

One: When frustrated or you have just had enough walk away put the baby or child in another room while you compose yourself.
Two: Take naps when they do sleep is GOOD you don't get a whole lot with babies because as newborns they eat every 2-3 hours as they get older it gets a bit better but taking naps when they do is still nice every so often.
Three: Don't Over do yourself cleaning the house is nice yes especially when it needs it but remember the more you do the more tired you get faster.
Four: Go on walks its a good exercise and keeps the baby busy and from getting to fussy believe it or not babies do get bored and are just like us when cooped up in a house all day. I use to take and still take Nikita around all over the place just to pass time.
Five: When weening a baby off of anything such as a bottle or a pacifier cold turkey is never the best way to go you can but instead of putting more stress on yourself and the baby who doesn't understand why they cant have what it is they are so use to try doing it slowly like only at nap times and bedtime for the pacifier and only day bottles instead of in the bed, which can cause tooth decay and ear infections.
Six: And lastly just so i don't have a million numbers cause really this can go on forever ha ha is, be active with your baby show them baby Einsteins or your baby can read DVDS read to them take them on play dates it's mostly for the moms but it gets your baby to interact with other babies.

These are just guidelines but also helpful tips to those who are expecting and having their first baby i know i liked getting advice on how to go about things but you really don't learn until you do it yourself and gone through it.

Fourth of July

The fourth is coming up and it will be mine and David's 7 year anniversary,the day he asked me to be his girlfriend summer of 9th grade, 2004. I would of never thought us to be together for so long or that i would love someone as much as i love him, he is the one who taught me how to love and trust in a relationship i am very thankful for this we have definitely had our ups and downs but all relationships do. Now the fourth is coming up and i don't have a thing to give him being as I'm broke i know he doesn't mind i just wish i had something to give him, I guess this year he will just have to take the gift of love :) we also have the best gift ever Nikita as cheesy as that sounds she really is when all hope was lost and i never thought i was going to be able to have kids she came along and lighted up our worlds making everything better. Last year we weren't able to do a thing we lived all the way in WA with no family or much friends and broke as can be so i want to at least make this one better its getting split up in half being normally on the fourth we celebrate my little brother Payton's birthday and then go celebrate after but that makes it all the better today we are celebrating the fourth and on Monday my mom will be taking the baby while we get to spend the whole day being teenagers again doing lots of fun stuff with no care in the world, I can't wait to see what he has in store for me. :P

Wish List

Everyone has their wish lists a list full of things they want to someday own and aspire to getting them one day, and for some time now I have had one that always gets added onto but never do i get any of them well i am writing the list and making it happen just because i can. Some are girly and some not lol this is just the start of one that will be added too....

>Awesome makeup
>32 gig I-pod: I now have an 82 gig iPod :))
>Digital camera: owned
>Pin up girl glamor shots
>New van shoes: got knock offs but just as good
>Iron fist shoes and purse: got a better lux duville purse instead.
>Full stand up jewelry box
>All the tank girl comics
>Tank girl the movie
>Storage for my little place for clothes
>My CD collection back

Summer List

There are a lot of things i want to get done this summer and I'm hoping by typing it out and making a list that it actually gets done. :)

Number one thing on my list would be
>Paint the kitchen cabinets and bathroom walls/DONE
>Get more bathroom towels/DONE
>Decorate the house more and have a very belated house warming/DONE
>Finish my summer reading list
>Becoming more active in Benicia moms club/DONE
>Finding activities to start with Nikita?/DONE
>Start running but first get running shoes
>Write more poetry
>Get a second car/DONE
>Find a stable job/DONE
>Decorate Nikita's room/HALF WAY DONE
>Get more of a wardrobe
>Sign up to go back to school
>Apply for food assistance/DONE
>Get married but first get my dress altered/DONE
>Send out wedding invites/DONE
>Get a marriage license/DONE

It's surprising how much of all this i got done an accomplishment? YES but it's funny how this was actually done over time and not in a summers worth of time.


This summer i want to do as much reading as possible so i thought i would start with short stories today i checked out "Gothic Tales" and "Winter's Tales" BY Isak Dinesen I thought they looked interesting and thought what the hell may as well see how good they are. I want to end with all of Christopher Moore books from top to bottom.This should be fun to see how many i can read in a summers time. :)

Practical Demon keeping
Coyote Blue
Bloodsucking Fiends
The Island of the Sequined Love Nun
The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
The Stupidest Angel
A Dirty Job
You Suck: A Love Story
Bite Me: A Love Story (and)
Sacrà Bleu (coming March 2012)



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June 2016


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