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Single Parenthood

When i got the very privilege to bring my daughter and then my son into the world i was such a happy mama. When you decide to have kids you never think one day you will end up doing it alone there is always that picture of a happy family and everything is mostly dandy. Maybe in the back of your mind do you have that fear that you may be at it alone but never to be enough to start preparing for that day, i mean how can you? When their dad and i split up the very thought of being alone was so frightening i found myself now knowing what to do so like any parent i made mistakes lots of them in that year and still do just not as many now that i have seem to figure things out, at least for now i have. So here it is single parenting is never easy an i am here to write what i have learned in the short time that i have been one. If you remember back i wrote about motherhood well here i am two years later writing single parenthood:

First piece of advice calm yourself for a hot second you aren't alone you have family friends or whoever will now forever be your support system until you find someone who will become that eventually.

Second thing depending how many children you have, I have two so if that's your case doing things with two little ones not far in age will for now be a challenge on your own you can cut out going out and doing what was not taxing into something taxing. Take a deep breath become creative. Take them to the park, Scandia.. something I've found out to be awesome non expensive and they can run in the playground till their little hearts are content. Take them on walks make a game of it and play scavenger hunt, i have yet to try this. Anything you can think of to be fun that can limit to only one adult needing to be involved.

Thirdly that support system i speak of they are always always there don't forget that don't loose that and don't burn your bridges they will love you and help you with no conditions cherish that. You don't need another person to validate you, you are you and only you can complete you. It is you and you alone who has to like you at the end of the day because you are the one who is left at that end of your day.

Fourth find an outlet any to get you by when you are alone i have week on week off with my kids so i have a whole week to myself it can get lonely at times and kind of suck when you start to miss your little ones. Any outlet can work long as you it keeps your mind occupied.

Fifth getting back into the parenting things... Terrible twos suck we all know this i have a soon to be one and it seems like i just got out of that stage with the other oh wait i did hehehehe. So if you find your self wanting to hit a wall because you are overwhelmed and have no one to take over, take a deep breath call someone if you need and go from there. Or find something for them to do or act like it isn't happening this can go even if you aren't a single parent even. Fits will happen and they will do them in public so getting this in control is best while you can.

Sixth try not to stress over little details they add up and fast if you don't keep it into check, they feel that stress so whatever you are feeling they feel and that can cause them to act out more causing you more stress and then its just this vicious circle of madness. You want to enjoy the time you have with them not be screaming the entire time because you are stressed.

Seventh and the most important out of all of them because you now and forever still have to deal with your ex try to get along with them in front of your kids. Swallow your pride and never try to fight in front of them. It causes the kids to stress it causes you to be unnecessarily upset and they should not see the ugliness that comes from it when they are so little.

And lastly if you are like me and have low paying job and now taking that cut to your ability to pay bills apply to anything and everything food stamps if you can, medical, cash aide, housing assistance. Go back to school anything that can help you in the long run. Being a single parent is no cake walk so even if you have only one person who is there on a daily basis to just talk can help you wonders so you feel not so alone or can ask questions if you need. Not to loose site of that is key especially if you need to get by for your kids you need to be at your best for them so they can have the life and parent they need and deserve. Most things will come naturally so most things can go with out being said. Enjoy the time they are little for only so long and they look up to us as adults to see what they are going to be molded into. :)



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